THE BEGINNINGS OF RECOVERY
Expressions of regret by convicted sex offenders in prisons or treatment groups across the country are being posted here at their request in the hope that the people they harmed will be helped by knowing that they suffer too. This because, in many instances, they have no other way to make their apology known. Out of respect for the privacy of victims, only initials are being used. Equally, the same is being done out of concern for the personal safety of the writers. Additional such offerings will be added as they arrive. This is where recovery begins. This is where it starts. Any viewer of this site who wishes to have an equally anonymous apology posted is welcome to send it to: Jake@californiaregistrants.net
Convicted child molester apology for abusing mother and child
M - your mom was seeking the love of a man, and you were craving the love of a dad. I betrayed both of you, as well as your family. I still haven't entirely forgiven myself for the harm I brought into your life by sexually abusing your need for love. I was wrong for not controlling my affections toward you. I am sorry.
Convicted child molester 'sorry could be another beginning'
"'Sorry' will never be enough, but it could be another beginning, at best. It could just maintain future peace, at least. I knew better when you couldn't: I wanted you to be my accomplice in role perversion to ease my guilt. My sick jealousy led to blackmail. Through therapy I now know why the sickness of prior generations infects the new. Please learn how not to become what you hate."
Y.W. California state prison
Convicted child molester 'how blessed I was to have a daughter'
Dear K., I wish I could have been a better daddy to you...please know that what I was doing to you was and is wrong. My selfishness also forced you to keep secrets from mom and your brother and everyone else. You did not deserve that.
It is not your fault, honey. You are still precious and also very valuable. I pray daily for God's grace over you...you are the bravest little girl I know. Thank you, "K," for telling mommy what I was doing...Through open eyes I can truly see how blessed I was...to have a daughter...
Love, Dad
R.G. Wisconsin state prison
Convicted child molester 'not even I know why'
Dear A. and M., I wish to God that I should not have to write this letter. The truth is that unfortunately I must because through my actions I have hurt you. Although I know that nothing I can say will take away the pain I have caused to both of you. There is nothing that I can do to recompense for all the wrong I have done. All I can do is ask for your forgiveness and pray to God that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. And please believe me when I say that if I could, (I would) give my own life to take away all the pain I have caused to everyone involved.
A., I must come to you first because it is you whom I betrayed. I stole away your innocence when all you were looking for was a father figure to love you...I want you to know that I have been praying for you every day since my arrest. I pray and hope that God will grant you the strength to become a better man than...I.
M., I don't even know where to begin. We have been friends since childhood yet I betrayed that friendship. You entrusted me with your most precious possession...I wish I could help you understand why or how I could have done the things that I did...but I can't...There is no excuse. All I can say to you is that I am sorry. Sincerely,
T.M., Michigan prison
Convicted child molester 'an overwhelming flood of sorrow'
Dear K., I've been needing, wanting, urgently anticipating having the opportunity to write this letter for a long time. I sincerely apologize, form the very essence of my whole being, and before God. I am so very sorry that I offended your mind, soul and body...I am deeply apologetic to what I have done to you and your family...
I am hoping that by at least apologizing to you some amount of healing will result...please know that I am sincere. From the moment I offended you, I felt an immense and overwhelming flood of shame and guilt, something I feel to this day. This shame and guilt has propelled me on an ever expanding journey to find out who I am and what could have caused me to harm another human being...
If I had known that the abuse I endured as a child would effect how I dealt with relationships...I may have been able to prevent my causing harm to you. I admire you for your courage. I am glad that you told someone. You did the right thing. You have allowed me to confront a problem that could have become much worse. Since my incarceration I have had the oppportunity to understand sexual abuse...I did not know how wrong it was until I had a chance to learn about it. ...it will not ever happen again to another person.
...it was not your fault at all that I chose to harm you. ...I used drugs and alcohol to escape the pain of (my own) confusion and of confronting who I was. Instead of escaping the problem, the drugs and alcohol brought out a part of me that I had buried. Also desensitizing myself with pornography...
As I revisit my life...I have no qualm with paying the penalty of prison for my actions, rather I look upon my penitence as a blessing... Please accept my apologies...I wish with every fiber of my being that you have a happy, healthy and safe life from here on...
Most ever sincerely, S.R., New York correctional facility
Convicted child molester "I was the one sick."
Dear --
This letter is difficult to write as it's hard to know where to start. I'm writing to say that I am sorry for the things I did to you and the pain I caused. I want you to know that it was not and is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You were a child and deserved to be protected. I was the one sick and with the problem. You trusted me as children trust adults and I violated that trust by abusing you.
Please know that I am working hard to change my life and I know that the only true "I'm sorry" is to never hurt anyone again and I am on that journey.
M.M. Minnesota secure treatment facility
Convicted sex offender "I am sorry for breaking that trust between us."
Dear J,
I want to start off by saying I'm sorry for everything that I have put you through. I'm sorry for breaking that trust between us. I should have known better and I should have treated you with more respet than I have shown you. I am sorry for putting you through that pain and I truly hope that you are doing well with your...son you do have. I hope you get joy out of him (and) that your counselling sessions have been able to help you through your troubles and pains.
I want nothing but the best for you and that you deserve some happiness in your life. I hope that you will have a blessed life and I pray for you everyday.
M., California state prison
Multiple sex offender "Dear Victims..."
Dear Victims: Since entering treatment and genuinely engaging in all aspects of the treatment program I have been able to consciously recognize and accept the effects of my crimes...I do sincerely regreat all the misdeeds of my past life and...I seek avenues in which I can make amends.
...My future endeavors will not be for personal gain, but to bring the word to others in an informative manner to hopefully help thwart future victimization. This is my goal and my promise to you. Sincerely,
J.D., Minnesota correctional facility
Convicted Child Molester 'May I become only a dim shadow in your memories'
The words "I am sorry" do not begin to properly express my feelings of guilt and shame that I have for my crimes against you and your family...I do not and cannot ask you for your forgiveness. I deserve none...Were it possible, I woul gladly take back each harm, each injury, and all the tears and sorrows that I brought into your life. You did nothing to deserve all of that.
...it is my hope and prayer that you...are successful in everything that Life has brought to you. Indeed, it is my most sincere and heartfelt hope that you do not even think of me. That I have become no more than a dim shadow in your memories...
M.R.H., Wisconsin state prison
Incest Offender 'fulfill your purpose in life'
Dear J and B, It's been six years since my arrest and I've spent most of my time in prison trying to understand how I could have molested you both while at the same time claiming I love you...Please forgive me. I am so very sorry for what happened.
...when I was five years old some neighbors started molesting me...I married your mom thinking she would meet my emotional needs...I only took from her without giving back. I caught your mom in an adulterous affair...I fell apart and..I molested you...
As you know, when you said stop I did. It was like a light came on and I was suddenly ashamed.
I am so very sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt you...I'll always love you and am with you in spirit. I pray for your inner healing and trust that you will fulfill your purpose in life.
J. California state prison
Convicted child molester "To the child I hurt"
I pray that you will know that in your heart I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you. There is much I have taken from you. I know I can't erase all the tears and heartache. Know that everyday I spend in prison I spend praying for you.
Know this: that when I took you in my arms, gave you a hug and broke down in tears and told you how sorry I was-- knowing you accepted what I told you meant a lot to me. Everyday that I live in prison I live for you and for future generations. I refuse to make excuses for the ills I have caused you...only love and prayer for healing for you. For me and you, for our family and society as a whole and the world as a unity.
I long for the day I can show you my sincerity and allow you to know the sorrow, heartache and sympathy I have for you...Please don't give up on yourself or your dreams.
The following are passages out of the Bible I have written down in hopes you can read them: Psalms 103:5, Psalms 103: 17,
Isaiah 54:13-14. God bless you.
G.M.S. Wisconsin state prison
Convicted child molester "I apologize for the assaults that I committed against you all."
I apologize for the assaults that I committed against you all. I want you to know none of those acts forced upon you were ever any fault of yours. I manipulated you and groomed you to gain your love and trust only to betray you. I had no right to rob you of your innocence.
I apologize for using you (and for my) cowardly sexual assaults...I apologize for not treating you as a human being. I apologize for threatening to harm your loved ones if you did not comply with my demands.
I apologize for all of the pain, embarassment and humiliation my assaultive behaviors have caused to all of you, members of your family and friends in the community.
E.J.L. Oregon prison
Convicted child molester "My father committed suicide after molesting a 14-year old girl."
Dear D.S., I'm writing to apologize for what I did to you and offer my best wishes as you move forward in life. I know the emotional and psychological harm I caused you when I molested you and videotaped the incident has had a negative impact on your life...I also convinced you to lie to the police so that I wouldn't be arrested. When I continued to buy things for you, I was hoping to keep you from ever telling on me....
I'm sorry for molesting you and for the pain I caused to you and your family. I know that you will never be able to forget what happened that night, but I do hope you will be able to forgive me at some point.
At first, I didn't realize the pain and hurt I caused you...However, in court your mother made me realize just how much harm I caused you: that you have had many difficult times at home, and in school...a hard time with relating to adult males. I'm so sorry for what I did to you and pray that you can get the psychological help you need.
I've dealt with an attraction to young boys for most of my life and wish that I would have gotten the help I needed...I remember telling you about my father committing suicide...(h)e was accused of molesting a 14-year-old girl. I was about your age at the time. (It) messed me up for some time.
...I will never try to make excuses for what I did to you....My goal in life now is to make certain that I never again molest, and hurt, another person. I have begun therapy, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life...I'm doing everything I can to prevent this from happening again...I also truly hope you can get professional help so that you don't ever cause harm to anyone.
I wish you the best...apologize for the pain I caused...hope that you will be able to forgive me. Sincerely,
A.B., Michigan correctional facility
|